Nick Cave on the stages of grief: “Grief, like love, is a mess”
Nick Cave has shared his views on the stages of grief and how it is bullshit and shared that the process is a mess similar to love.
After being asked if he believes in “acceptance” as the final stage of grief according to the Kübler-Ross model in an interview with Rolling Stone, Cave responded: “In my experience, the Kübler-Ross model of the stages of grief is full of shit. Grief portioned into orderly stages does not make sense, on any level.”
He continued: “Grief, like love, is a mess. Grief manifests as awesome and Godlike. It was not about “acceptance,” which suggests a kind of ultimate returning to business as usual, rather it is an obliterating force that requires a kind of transmutation of being, where we turn from one thing into another thing. The experience of losing my two sons was a reordering of one’s essential being. Ultimately, if we are lucky, we stop focusing on our own wounds and look to the wounds of the world.”
The Bad Seeds frontman is no stranger to grief. Eight years ago, his son, Arthur, tragically passed away at the age of 15. He recently lost his other son, Jethro Lazenby, who passed last year at the age of 31.
Since the death of Arthur, Cave has been very open about his grief. He also has been super open about grieving directly with is fans by answering their questions on his blog The Red Hand Files.
Speaking about what he has learned from his blog, the singer said: “We humans are essentially creatures of loss, all of us, that loss is our common binding condition. It is this brokenness that makes us so shockingly human, and even though we suffer still we still have the capacity to do and create wondrous things.”
Elswhere, Cave recently responded to a fan who has asked for advice about how to enrich their current gap year.
El from Frankfurt in Germany asked The Bad Seeds singer on his Red Hand Files blog how one might find purpose in “this bizarre and temporary world”.
Cave replied to the fan, summarising that they should seek out humility and curiosity in order to make the most of their time off from studying or working.
The singer has become known for his profound and eloquent advice columns sent to fans. in recent months he has published responses to AI (“a grotesque mockery of what it is to be human”) and having transgender people among his fans.
Similarly to this week’s question, he has also given advice to teenager recently about how to “live life to the absolute fullest”.
Earlier this month the singer-songwriter shared a playlist of what he thinks are his 15 best songs – listen here.
