Kate Middleton’s Rep Shoots Down Wild Conspiracy Theories Surrounding Her Royal Absence

Princess Protection Program

No, she’s not on the next season of The Masked Singer or Traitors, and she’s definitely not checking out the botched Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory family event

Throw a dart at a map and no matter where it lands, there’s probably a conspiracy theory swirling around online about Kate Middleton being there. Earlier this week, the internet became fixated on her current whereabouts after realizing she’s been out of the public eye for a while, not unlike when you’re falling asleep and realize you haven’t seen your favorite shirt in a few weeks.

Los Angeles? Maybe she’s at CBS Studios filming an appearance on The Masked Singer. Glasgow? Try checking the botched Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory family event launched by a company called House of Illuminati. Scotland? That’s where season three of The Traitors is being filmed. Maybe she’s there. Florida? Online spectators have weighed the chances that she’s recovering from a BBL courtesy of Dr. Miami.

But according to her team — and unfortunately for the extremely online who have become obsessed with the latest conspiracies — Middleton is simply still recovering from abdominal surgery she underwent in January. The internet’s wild theories about her apparent disappearance has pushed Kensington Palace to the point of responding with concise clarification and a bit of snark. “Kensington Palace made it clear in January the timelines of the Princess’ recovery and we’d only be providing significant updates,” a representative for the royal told the New York Post. “That guidance stands.”

In January, Kensington Palace stated that she would spend up to two weeks recovering at the hospital before returning home. “Based on the current medical advice, she is unlikely to return to public duties until after Easter,” the statement read. “Kensington Palace will, therefore, only provide updates on Her Royal Highness’ progress when there is significant new information to share.”

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One X (formerly Twitter) user cross-referenced Middleton’s recovery time — she’s set to return to her duties by Easter — with the amount of time it takes to grow out bangs. Another suggested she entered the Princess Protection Program à la Selena Gomez and Demi Lovato in the Disney Channel original movie Princess Protection Program. One post photoshopped Middleton hand in hand with serial dater Pete Davidson.

Kensington Palace having to inadvertently classify rumors about Brazilian butt lifts, bangs, and Masked Singer appearances as “significant new information” holds levels of chaos only the internet could create. But you can’t knock points for creativity.